The days are long but the years are short.
It has already been seven months since I’ve given birth and I wish time would just stay still. Whenever I look at our daughter’s newborn pictures, I couldn’t help but feel emotional. She used to be so small, and now, she’s as big as my upper body. Pretty soon she’ll be crawling and then before we know it—we will have a toddler running down the hall and climbing furnitures.
Mentally, I’ve been doing superb. I learned to block off/ignore people that doesn’t contribute or does not help with my peace. Do I miss the tea? Not really. It actually felt wonderful.
It would be a lie if I say I didn’t struggle. I did and I still do. I have my breakdowns—and this usually happens whenever I feel exhausted—whenever there’s no one to relieve me, so I can take a break. And of course, taking a break now means: taking a shower, taking a dump, and eating late lunch or early supper.
At first, I couldn’t believe my “me time” has been reduced to “shower time”. I used to resent my husband a lot because he could do all the things he want. He could go and get his haircut every two weeks (if he wanted), play basketball and just do things. You know what I mean? While I stay with the baby all the time and I always wait for someone to relieve me so I could do my own things. I can’t really book an appointment for hair or nails without planning things ahead—especially when she started to be “clingy” to me and would refuse to be held by her dad after a certain time.
Eventually, I learned to love my new “me time”—even though it’s only 20-30mins in a 24 hour period (except for the days my husband is off from work) As soon as my parents come in for a visit, I would happily hand them the baby—fed and content—then I will hop in the shower and soak in my 20 minute freedom. As for the resentment, it’s getting better—it’s just a matter of conditioning my mental take on it. For example: my husband deserve to have his “me time” too since he do all the chores at home—cleaning, laundry, cooking, on top of providing for us. Besides, whenever he is off work, he does take care of our daughter; he hands her back to me when it’s booby time as I try to sleep in for an hour.
I am still learning and adjusting to this new role of mine. Motherhood is exhausting, yet it is the best feeling. But then again, motherhood is not always rainbows and butterflies. It can be a violent storm too, and it can be dark and lonely. When they say you’ll slowly lose your identity when you become a mother, they are actually right. You can’t do the things you used to do without thinking about the baby. You have to be fast all the time or you’ll miss the window where baby is calm and happy.
The good thing is, it’s only temporary. You will be able to do things again soon. You will eventually be able to pamper yourself. You will learn to adapt. It will get better.
Yes it is hard work, but it is also fulfilling.
Oh, and by the way, stay away from social media especially if it features “how to take care of newborn 101” or “milestones babies should reach/unlock at a certain month” for the sake of your mental health. Remember, all babies are different—they develop at different pace. There are also “advices” out there that works well with them but it might not work great for you. At the end of the day, follow your mom instinct—you do you. Do what you think is best for your own baby.
Surround yourself with friends and people who are supportive of you. Draw boundary on those who would comment how badly you are doing with raising your baby or how it should be done because they’ve done it ages ago and look at their kids now. It doesn’t matter if they are a family member. If you let them do that out of respect for them, it will take a toll on your mental health and you will or might second guess everything you do in regards of babe’s care even though you are doing perfectly fine.
You got this momma!
Well, I think I’ve spouted a lot of unnecessary things again. I will do my best to update this blog regularly. I’ve been feeling productive these past few days so hopefully *crossing fingers* Until next time, friends!
Ciao!
